Six Month Post Op

WOWZERS! Six month have past already!!!! Here I am.....where do I begin.....?

It's been hard, it's been easy, it's been challenging, and it's been fun....

My highest ever weight in my mid 20's was 327 lbs. That is a lot!

Feb. 1st 2013, I weighted 296
This morning Sept. 4th 2013 I weight 218.

I cannot remember the last time I was ever this "light"....probably junior high but I never weighted myself in jr. high. LOL

My goal is 190 which isn't too far off. Everyone keeps asking me how much more I want to lose but I won't be satisfied until I know in my heart that I am in the right place.

I just wish I had about 40K for plastic surgery.....obesity leaves nasty battle scars.....

I see my Dr. on the 12th. I hope he is impressed with my progress. I haven't been able to make it to support group meetings and I definitely to amp up my exercise routine. If it weren't for my hip issues, I could walk my little legs off. I need to do some toning too. I have to make time for that!

Well, I would post a pic but I'll have to do that later.....I'm on my way out the door to go sub at the middle school....7th grade English!

Scary Struggles

I have come to a decision that I never thought I would EVER have to make. I am going to divorce my husband. No, I don't want to but he has left me with no choice. You see, addiction has broken me, broken us, the US that used to be. I married Bill because he was funny, he worked hard, he loved me with all my junk, he was always willing to go the extra mile for me. Now the Bill I know is lazy, judgmental, untrustworthy, and his choices have broken my willingness to keep trying. I have done all I know to do to save my marriage. We have been in counseling going on five years. One year ago, he came home from a thirty day rehab and we were trying to get back on track. He's had more relapses than I care to count and I have tried to remain faithful and patient but recently his lack of impulse control has broken down the small steps we had made.
I am very scared (even though the bible says that we should not fear or worry). I have NEVER been on my own. I married at 20. I never lived with a roommate or experienced life on my own. It's always been us two and then along came Grant. I am totally sick about how this is going to affect him. I am a child of divorced parents, and I know how ugly it can get. I don't want it to get ugly, I want it to be amicable. I want Grant to have the best of both parents. Just because we are not together, it doesn't mean we don't want the best for him. I also worry about Bill's ongoing recovery and how he will react in the coming days. I don't think he realizes fully what his choices have caused. I hope he sticks with it, if not for himself, but for Grant.
The hardest part about all of this for me is disappointing my Savior. I feel like a failure, like I shouldn't ever give up but then I think, does my Lord want me to be in an unhappy marriage where there is no trust, no intimacy, no help. No, I think God wants me to have the very best. I am a good person with a lot of flaws that I will continue to work on the rest of my life. I am a control freak and I have very high expectations of myself and that can permeate to other people.
I want to feel like me again. I want to feel happiness and joy, not dread and despair and hopelessness. I want to feel like I have a purpose in this short journey called life.
I will be single and I will be afraid to open my heart to other men. I will be apprehensive about dating and moving on. I will have to go through a lot of counseling to understand where all of this fits into who I am.
I think about marriage differently now. I think two people have to be completely whole and know who they are inside and out. Then, they can compliment each other. In my case, it's sad to say that I was running away from a life in a small town with small ideals and I was afraid I would never make it to college and do something worthwhile in my life. Yes, I did love Bill but I was way too young. I should've waited. I should've finished school. But that is all water under the bridge. No changing that now. I can only take one day at a time. One hour at a time. I have so much to still be grateful for and I will now turn my every ounce of energy into my relationship with God and making sure my boy is happy, healthy, and safe.
That's all I know I can do. It's going to be hard and it's going to be sad. Please pray for me.
Thanks

Weekend Re-cap

WOW! it's all I can do to sit here and type out these few random thoughts. I am dead dog tired and there's so much to do to get ready for the beginning of school. But lately it seems that trivial things are not so important when compared to how close you can come to losing a parent or loved one. My dad went back into the hospital for the second time in less than 3 weeks on Thursday. I was getting prepared to have a yard sale at my house on Friday and Saturday. I had to leave Friday afternoon to make an appt. at the BOE for Metro Schools to get fingerprinted for substitute teaching. Then, I had an appt. at 3pm with my counselor, Sandy. Grant was at Lillian's trying to help her paint. I was on my way to get him when my dad called me and all I heard him say was "hospice". I just lost it. How could this be? What has happened to my strong dad? He told me a nurse would be calling me to give me some more information on what was going on and what the next steps would be. For those who read this, my dad is morbidly obese, has thirty five percent kidney function, COPD, type II diabetes, and his heart was going into congestive heart failure. These are the consequences to an addiction to food. Socially, we don't accept food as an addiction because it's something we all need to survive. My dad has been fighting and living with his addiction to food all of my life. I don't really recall my dad ever being "healthy". His obesity doesn't make me love him any less. He's still my dad. Anyway, I waited for this nurse to call me until about 6pm and then met our new church pastor at an interstate exit so he could follow me down to the VA hospital where my dad was. Pastor Seymour prayed with my dad, helped him realize that he needed to be very sure of his life after death and led him to re-commit his life to Jesus.
It was an emotional day to say the least. I went to bed with a heavy heart and so many worries about the coming days, weeks, and months. I woke up Saturday morning not really wanting to continue the yard sale. My head was still aching and I ended up falling back asleep on the couch til about 8am. My mom was here and she convinced to em to give it a go and see what happened. I had to take Grant to baseball tryouts so again, she held down thr fort while I was gone. Made it back home and wrapped the sale up around 1pm. We will try again in a few weekends. We went to the hospital to see my dad. He was breathing very hard and can't really talk for more than a minute or two without using his by-pap machine. I ended up laying next to him with my arms around his belly and cried my heart out on his chest. I told him I wasn't ready for him to leave me here. I feel guilty for all the disparaging thoughts I have had towards my dad in the past. I love him immensely but his character and personality flaws can push my buttons sometimes. We left the hospital and ended up eating at Cracker Barrel for dinner. I took my mom some of my leftovers b/c I can't eat much. We were talking on her bed and I about fell asleep. I called Bill and told him I was just going to crash at her place. Her bed is like sleeping on a cloud (if that were possible). It envelops you and it's just so comfy, like a big hug. I slept from 10pm-8am. Came home and got ready for church. Lately, I've been in a state of mind where I can't bring myself to worship God. I realize this is a terrible thing to say. Our SS class is reading this book called "Crazy Love" and it's very eye opening. I was reading it and realized that I am a lukewarm Christian. I am not where or who God has intended for me to be. I am grappling with my spiritual relationship with God and seeking to know him deeper. Anyway, I remembered that Pastor Seymour said that it's not about what we need from God, but what he needs from us. That includes worshiping him when we don't feel like it. During prayer and worship, I had to go to the alter and talk to my heavenly Papa about my earthly papa. The thought of losing my dad too soon was just unbearable. I felt so much better about the whole thing, knowing my dad re-committed himself to Christ brings peace to my mind. Right after church was over, my dad got a hold of Bill and relayed the message that his creatine levels had stabilized, his blood pressure was normal, and he was feeling a lot better. I know that only the power of praying people caused this to occur. It's amazing what perspective one can have when faced with loss of life. We are truly a vapor in the wind. We are not guaranteed another day. All we have is Jesus and he wants the very best from us. As I continue to examine my own relationship with Jesus and what it really means to be his disciple, it's easy to serve Jesus our leftovers. I have so much to be thankful for even when I'm going through a storm.

whining in the background

It's a quarter til 12am right now, I am beyond aggravated and can't settle myself down to go to bed.

Sometimes my life feels like I'm being "punked", like "no way this CANNOT really be happening to me!!" Nope, it happens and it always happens to me.

my life in chronological order today:

Woke up in excruciating pain, thought about crying but then I'd get a big headache and just moaned and groaned and yelped and you'd think that an old cat was being tortured.....

Called my PCP to see if I could get an appt. immediately.....nope not until July 22nd...FORGET IT!

Texted my Dr. friend Dr. C (she's always got my back) and she was going to squeeze me in around 1pm

Made it to water aerobics....needed to relieve some pressure on these old bones....it was fun haging out with Regina and Laurie.

Raced home to change, print off medical papers.....computer wasn't printing what I needed, Grant is hollering about how he can't get the DVD player to work

Got to the Dr. and all went smoothly....

Mom is moving her final pieces of furniture out of the basement and we were making space for the movers to come get the big pieces tonight.

We agreed that she would take me to church for VBS and I "assumed" she would be back to pick me up around 8:30 or 9:00pm. No big deal, right?

I sat at church with Grant and our youth pastor until 10:15pm. My mom thought I was already at home. All the while, I'm answering 20 million questions from the boy and he will not stop talking about anything....Thank Goodness Josh was there to filter out some of those for me.

We leave church and my mom said that one of the dogs had torn into one of her bags that had food in it and she didn't know what they might have eaten.  I drop mom off at her place, Grant is whining about how tired he is, what are we doing tomorrow, have I seen his so and so, etc.

I realize when I get out of the car that I left my cell phone sitting on the foyer table.
GREAT!
Walked through the front door and stepped in a big pile of dog poop! Just perfect!
Whatever the dog had eaten was now all over my living room floor along with shredded pieces of a plastic bag!
Grant is asking me more questions and I quietly tell him to go to bed before I lose my religion. He obliged quickly and never heard another word, no, question! grrr
Cleaned up the poo, febreezed the carpet and went downstairs to check on laundry whereupon I find a load of clothes in the dryer not yet dried and Grant never took his laundry down so it was still on the staircase!
Come upstairs, turn on the t.v. --- no go! the storm knocked it all wonky and Bill was asleep so I couldn't turn on the boobtube.
Bill gets up to leave for work, asked him to fix the t.v. and told him I was in a very bad mood
I asked him if he had taken the dogs out when he came home from VBS and of course he says No. That's why D.OG. popped in front of the door and she NEVER has accidents.
On top of all this, I can't find the only TWO phones we have in the house so I can call my mom to tell her my cell phone is at church. Bill finds the phone, I call her and she doesn't answer.

In all of this chaos, I remained calm even though on the inside, I'm seething mad

Okay, now that you've heard my whining in the background....I am going to bed!

June 30, 2004

Nine years ago on this very evening, I was preparing myself for the boy who would change my world forever. I remember vividly, sitting in his nursery and soaking up the last few moments of peace and quiet while Bill went to the airport to get my mom. I can't believe how time just ticks away and gives no consideration for our feelings of sadness when our babies grow up. It's funny the thoughts you have about your kid(s) before they are even born. I thought for sure that Grant would be a chubby little kid but instead he's a "rack of bones". I thought he would be darker in complexion and have dark eyes and dark hair. No, he's a red headed, blue eyed white boy. I thought he would be the kind of kid who would have the disease to please, but he's a strong willed, argumentative, opinionated little boy. I always tell him he needs to go into politics or be a lawyer because he can argue about anything! I know that I'm not the only mom out there who would like to change some personality flaws in their child. I think these things that wear on my nerves will eventually work in his favor but for now he can just wear me out. The things I do love about him most: he's sweet towards little ones, he's compassionate when it comes to animals, he loves his friends (even those who might get on his nerves), he loves being outside and playing, he's a fish in the summer, always wants to be in a pool., he's very smart and eager to know new things, he listens to his grandparents, he notices the most awkward and unusual things, he's thinks outside the box, he is always willing to help others but not so much with his parents, he has a wonderful imagination and is very creative (like me). There are so many other things I could name but I won't bore you. I love this boy. He is my one and only and that's okay. I pray for him and his future and protection over him. I have high hopes for him. I can't believe it's been nine years! my, my, my, it won't be long and he'll be going to college!

I don't really have a title for this post but I just need to get something off my chest.

I have learned a valuable lesson this week and sometimes that's what life does to you, just smacks you in the face with the obvious even when you want to stay in denial.

It's about what people DON"T say when you have a conversation with them. It's paying close attention to their responses when you ask them direct questions.
Why do people do this? I wish I knew. Why can't people live and speak the truth? It's very disappointing to know that you can't even acknowledge someone's capabilities and strengths.
Okay, I'm done, just had to get this out of my head.
Thanks

99.9%

So, I had to work one last day at school today. When I say "last", I really mean "last". I left the parking lot knowing I will never be hired as a teacher there unless by some miracle of God occurs. You know what though? I'm not the slightest bit upset about it. I put in three years, worked really hard to prove myself and it got me nowhere. Whatever the lesson is in this experience is yet to be revealed to me.

 The best part of working where I did, I made great friends and lasting relationships. I was available for a friend who needed someone to share her burdens and stressors with. I worked with fifth graders whom I thought would get on my nerves but ended up loving. Most importantly, my boy had a phenomenal 3rd grade year and came out shining like a star! His happiness will always be more important than mine.

I am 99.9% sure that God must have something better for me, I am just going to wait on Him.

sadness

Today is the last day of school for the boy. I'm sad he's growing up an d moving onto the next phase of childhood. There is also a lot of high school graduations going on and those parents are probably more sad than I am about their kids moving on. It just doesn't seem fair that we can't keep our kids little for as long as we'd like. I'm also a bit sad that I won't get to see the girls I work with and laugh and cut up and joke with each other. I am seriously anxious, sad, and nervous about what the next year school year holds. I am sad that I didn't get to say goodbye to my own classroom full of kids. I am sad that I didn't get to say goodbye to the fifth grade students I worked with this year. I had to help Kindergarten and didn't get to watch them "graduate". I am sad that my friend Denise won't be Grant's teacher, she is resigning to stay home and watch her babies grow. I am sad that my parents are getting older and its getting closer to time for them to leave this earth. I am sad that I can't get past myself to forgive and let live the things that have been done wrong to me in recent months. I am sad that as I sit here and type, tears well up in my eyes just thinking about how sad I am. I am sad about how much I've let my house go and not put things away. I am sad that I can't get my crap together and keep marching on. I thought I was a pretty strong person but now I'm not so sure. I am praying that God will take my sadness and use it for good. I don't really know how that will work out but I can pray for it anyway.
 

open and honest

One thing I like about having my own blog is I can say whatever I want and don't really have to care about other think. I can be open and honest. I don't have to name names or places but and for all that others know, the stories I tell are totally fictitious. I don't think there the chances are high that the situation I'm going to write about will get to the those I work with (with the exception of one, she knows who she is....wink....wink). She will keep confident of what I have to say.

I was in classroom today, teaching not "aiding". Educational assistant is my current position. That WILL change come August 1st, one way or another. The teacher I was "subbing" for is chronically late or absent. I really like this teacher as a person, they are nice and friendly. However, this teacher IS NOT a good educator. I don't feel sorry this person, I feel sorry for the kids in this class. If I were to put a label on it, it would be called educator neglect. This is not what irritates me the most though.
The one thing that chaps my hide? Administration has let this go on. It might change when school is out but this girl "ain't" holdin' her breath.
I don't understand how unfair this has come to be. Here I am, an eager teacher willing to go above and beyond to help these kiddos succeed and learn and instead they continually get looked over and their academics swept under the rug. How can this continue? I wish I knew the answer. I can only hope that Administration will wake up and realize what kind of teacher they are missing out on.
With all that I have been through and the spiritual tests I have come to learn from, I think it's due time I get on with this teaching career.
Whether it's where I am now or somewhere else is yet to be determined. Just being open and honest.

Easter 2013

Don't get me wrong, I love Easter but truly Christmas is my favorite holiday. If Jesus wasn't born, we wouldn't be able to celebrate a Risen Savior!! Right?!

It's been a quiet weekend around here which I'll take any day. Since I'm not cooking OR eating an Easter meal, there's no fuss about what to eat. Bill has to work a double today and Grant is working on a Lego set the Easter Bunny brought him. Go figure!

It's raining and yucky outside so we all are being a crew of couch potatoes. I'm working on Craft Camp stuff. I need to go to the store later and get some more sources of protein (teeheehee).

This is the first "holiday" that I haven't celebrated with food. I realize that families come together to eat and be with each other but I might be breaking the mold when it comes to things like this. Now when Grant has his own family, I'll be glad to cook holiday dinners but with just us 3 plus mom, it's not worth the effort or time.

On a final note, there are only 45 days of school left!!! Cheers to the beginning of summer AND the hopes that I will secure a full time teaching job!!!

~stuff~

Just got home this evening from vacation with the family. It's been  a long time since we've had a family vacation. It was nice to get away but I am truly a homebody. I would rather be home and have no agenda
I will be 3 weeks post op on Monday. I won't weigh again until then. It was hard to get in my 60-80grams of protein and a minimum of 64 oz of fluid. I tried hard but I know it will get better. I definitely do not want to get dehydrated or go into some vitamin deficiency that would be land me back in the hospital. I only really think about food when I am not doing something else. I can look at food and think about how it tastes but the fear of becoming deathly sick keeps me from even tasting it. Thinking about food constantly is called "head hunger" and even though my tummy doesn't desire to eat it, it's the emotional attachment to the foods I love that I have to work through.

I need to get to the gym but I am having severe hip pain from bursitis. I can't take anti-inflammatory meds and the Dr. gave me some Loritab but it's just 5mg. I am truly hoping that when I drop some more weight, it will get better but I may have to break down and go get some steroid shots.

Work starts back on Monday. Thank goodness it's only a four day work week. I probably won't be very busy and that is extremely irritating to me. I do look forward to seeing the kiddos.

Grant has his first baseball game of the season on Saturday. He's gonna look so cute!!! Can't wait to see him in action!

post op

My big surgery day was Monday March 4th. I was a bit nervous about the process but thankfully I turn to memorized scriptures and hymns. The anesthesiologist had to find a vein for the IV. I think the girl who was trying to do it was a newbie...nothing wrong with that, at least she asked for help. I only remembering peaking at the OR, freaks me out, bad childhood memories from many surgeries. I remember thinking about all the stores in Providence that I would be shopping at this summer and then it was lights out for me. I don't remember waking up in my room. I was doped up on morpheme for quite some time. The nurses brought me some watered down ice chips with this sponge type brush that I could dip in the water and wet my mouth. I had terrible dry mouth and my voice was raspy because of the breathing tube. The nurses took great care of me. Most of them were really young but they knew their stuff. I was always thanking them for taking care of me. I wanted them to know how much I appreciated their hard work. I don't remember what night it was but I fell asleep with a cup of ice in my hand and spilled it on my chest. DERDUHDER! This nurse Lacole came in and got my bed changed and my gown switched out and back in bed in less than 10 minutes. Of course they wake you up every 2-4 hours to check vitals and every morning the "blood" lady came and drew blood from my arm. At least her needle sticks didn't hurt. Later in the day, this guy came and transported me to x ray and I had to drink some really nasty liquid so they could see if there were any tears. THANK GOD! no tears which meant no going back under the knife. I was completely nauseous during that whole procedure. A lady took me back to my room and I really don't remember how I got back in my bed. The nurse said I needed to start urinating within six hours and she even gave me an extra hour and still I had nothing for them. So guess what, she had to re catheterize me. And what's even better, a few student nurses were invited to watch. Ain't that grand! My hoo ha out there for everyone to see. I know it was medically necessary and they probably don't care. Then they gave me six more hours to try and pee on my own and guess what? I didn't do anything so again, Lacole, the night nurse was the only one in the room when she did that again. Finally, after several hours my bladder decided to cooperate and I peed! Thank God for small favors.
I came home on Thursday and I was in a lot of discomfort. One thing I hadn't expected was a drain port coming out of my abdomen. I have to clean and change the dressing daily, no big deal but it's unsightly and gross to drain. Again, another necessary evil. It's quite hard to hide too. I am not really embarrassed about it, I just don't want a ton of people staring at me like a weirdo.
I am down about 20lbs, not just in five days. I lost about 13lbs. before surgery and 7lbs since surgery. The pain hasn't been real bad, not any worse than my C-section or back surgery. The only other issue I have had is not being able to tolerate my protein supplement. I'm thinking I might have to change brands. The other discomfort is feeling like I have a belly ache constantly and my energy is low. I know it will all get better. So many things to look forward to. It's going to be interesting for sure!
Stay tuned!

HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY

Tomorrow morning is my BIG surgery day....scared, nah, excited, yep, nervous, a little bit. I will be fine....God is in control.
I am very excited about the progress I will be making! Can't wait to shop for 'cuter' clothes, get rid of old clothes and be able to do more physically challenging stuff. I actually am very relaxed at the moment. I have no worries or stress. I am focusing on positive thoughts and visualizing things that meke me happy. HAPPY! HAPPY! HAPPY!

on another note, I have a close friend who is going through some real hard stuff and I'm so worred about her. I know she's strong and will make ti through, I just don't want her to go through pain alone. I know how it is.

Well, I'll keep you posted......have to be at the hospital at 5:30am....YIKES!

hungry

Yes, I am HUNGRY! for food, real solid good food BUT....it shall wait for about 4 more weeks or so. Today has been the worst of my hunger. My head is hungry for the junk food but my stomach would just like a banana or some grapes or something with more substance. It's going to be okay, this is all a part of the process, getting to the end and knowing it's going to be beneficial in the end.
A lot of people have admired the strength I have shown just in this short period of time. My strength only has to do with one person. God and His sufficient love and grace on me. I really am beginning to feel like this is just the start of a really great year for me. Considering all that has happened in the past nine months, this milestone is definitely worth it all. I have had a few wonderful and tremendously deep "aha" moments with God and it's just so wonderful when you finally "GET IT!"
I had to praise Him in the storm and I continue to praise him during the good. I never want to forget those dark times because it is what has made me  stronger person.
I am really trying to soak up everything good that is happening even though I feel like there are million things trying to distract me from that.
I am so thankful for how far Bill and I have come in our marriage, the fact that my son is healthy and has made it through the winter without major illness and that I have some really special and fabulous friends who support me and love me no matter what size I am.
So even though I am "hungry", I am full with so many blessing. This is one more reason why I blog.....to remember that God will fill me when I am hungry!

push thru the pain

I had my pre-operative testing and procedures done on Monday. The upper GI was horrendous but I made it through. Attended a pre-op class where I felt like the information was helpful but they breezed through it very quickly. I had to have an EKG and blood drawn and made it back home before dark.
I also started my liquid pre-op diet. I felt very starved on Monday. I should have begun it on Tuesday just so I could have eaten something. Oh well, I made it through.
It is a hard thing to do to watch others eat what I so much enjoyed eating. I have to continually tell myself that I am doing this for me and to binge eat is not good and I try really hard to focus on other things. It's almost like I am breaking up with food. Like a boyfriend who treated me so unfairly and yet I couldn't leave the relationship. Food is my addiction and I have to develop new ways to cope instead of turning to unhealthy food to satisfy my emotional needs.
Yesterday was the hardest day so far. I was extremely tired, my eyes burned from feeling so exhausted. I lacked energy to do anything. Luckily, I have been painting my living room this past week and that has kept me busy. This weekend will probably be easier because I have to get my house back in order. Next week, I will plan to do better as far as planning out what I am going to drink. I hope all of this will surely help my liver to shrink.
I am also praying for a successful and speedy recovery. The worst thing I fear is being really sick from anesthesia. I hat that part. Anyway, I'm just pushing through the pain. It all be worth it when I can go shopping for a new bathing suit in June! oh, and wear Old Navy Summer dresses!!! YAY!

my first quilt

I have been meaning to blog about this quilt. I have never made a quilt and quilting is something I have always wanted to do. I am too cheap to go take classes and make something already preset. I watched a lot of YouTube vi dos and searched a lot of websites to come up with something I knew I could manage. The type of quilt is called a "jelly roll" quilt. The strops of coordinating fabric is rolled up into one big roll and you then you sew the strips together. It's not as easy as it sounds so I had to make a practice one.  learned a lot from just doing that. I finished the quilt top and could never find time to get it basted and binded before the baby girl who going to get this came into the world. I found a lady who helped me quilt it on her longarm sewing ma cine ( a huge expensive machine) ) and she basically did one side of the binding and I finished the backside by hand. that took a long time too.
I think it turned out pretty cute for a beginner quilt. I hope Baby Meredith will use it forever and pass it on to her children. Quilts are fabrics woven together with love!

it's a good thing...

A long time ago when I stayed at home, I watched Martha Stewart on television and she always ended her show with this phrase..."it's a good thing".

There are a few good things happening in my life right now, a far cry from last year and I hope this trend of "goodness" continuous because Lord knows I need to keep going and get back on the mountaintop.

First, I'd like to begin with the hubs and I. Things are going well, we are getting along a lot better and I think a big part of it is that I have really tried to bring my "control freak" nature down to a minimum. I always ask myself if the situation I'm unhappy about is worth the effort to be right. Most times it isn't. I no longer take responsibility for his actions or even his recovery. I focus on me and what I need to do to become a better person. This is not to say that we wont' ever disagree or argue about stuff. I just know we are in a better place than we were six months ago.

I have been contemplating for awhile now about starting a small photography business. I am in no way an expert photographer, I just like taking pictures and experimenting with photography. I am still learning my camera's ins and outs. I I basically just want to do it for fun and charge a minimal fee for my time. I think the pictures are near professional and as time goes on and I learn certain editing techniques, I can make them look better. I know from experience that there are a lot of people out there who wish they could afford professional pictures but can't so I think this would be a great opportunity for me to build a portfolio and maybe even go professional one day, who knows?? The part I am figuring out now is how to publicize myself and what I offer. I'm thinking about doing a Facebook page and uploading some of my work. I have created a web album and I am trying to figure out how to share that without people stealing my pics. I have coined the name "loveyameanit photography" because I always say "loveyameanit" to my family and friends. I heard a woman on a t.v. show a long time ago use this when she was saying bye to her friends and I liked it so much I use it all the time. Knda like when I say "derduhder", got that little diddy from a teacher I student taught with! Funny how we stick to little things.

So, onto some other big news! I thought this should be it's own post but I ma including it in here because well......it's all good!

Back in September, I attended a seminar at Centennial for weight loss surgery. My aunt, my brother, and my husband have all had bariatric surgery so I already knew what they would be taking about. I thought it over and wrote a long list of pros and cons about doing this myself. I had to meet certain requirements and one of those was a psychological evaluation. Well, we all know I am looney but they had to make sure I would follow plan. After a long few month and one denial of benefits from insurance, the lady I was working with at Centennial called me on January 22tn and said that insurance had approved my surgery!

So now comes the hard work and dedication and lifestyle changes amidst all he other challenges I deal with emotionally about being overweight. Don't get me wrong, I am super excited but this is like a new life chapter for me. I don't want people to think I am taking the easy way out and it's a big step towards a healthier life. I know I will stumble along the way and make mistakes and beat myself up for dumb stuff. The great thing about having this done at Centennial is the support system is out of this world! I will have access to so much support, it's unbelievable. I have my first appointment with the doctor I chose on Friday Feb. 1st. His name is Dr. Dyer and I chose him for one really important reason, he is a believer in God! He says that Jesus is his Hero! I loved that when I read it!

Anyway, for those of you who read this blog, I wanted you to know because you will be seeing gradual changes in me over the next several months and it won't be hard to notice. I have to say that I have wonderful friends and church family that I know will pray for me and be my cheerleaders!


I am still looking for that ONE job in teaching. For now, I focus on the fact that Grant has a fabulous teacher and is learning so much and even if he has to go back to a Metro school, I think he will be so successful because of the greet foundation he's had. That is what is most important to me, his happiness and weal being!

I have high hopes that 2013 will be ".....a good thing!"