push thru the pain

I had my pre-operative testing and procedures done on Monday. The upper GI was horrendous but I made it through. Attended a pre-op class where I felt like the information was helpful but they breezed through it very quickly. I had to have an EKG and blood drawn and made it back home before dark.
I also started my liquid pre-op diet. I felt very starved on Monday. I should have begun it on Tuesday just so I could have eaten something. Oh well, I made it through.
It is a hard thing to do to watch others eat what I so much enjoyed eating. I have to continually tell myself that I am doing this for me and to binge eat is not good and I try really hard to focus on other things. It's almost like I am breaking up with food. Like a boyfriend who treated me so unfairly and yet I couldn't leave the relationship. Food is my addiction and I have to develop new ways to cope instead of turning to unhealthy food to satisfy my emotional needs.
Yesterday was the hardest day so far. I was extremely tired, my eyes burned from feeling so exhausted. I lacked energy to do anything. Luckily, I have been painting my living room this past week and that has kept me busy. This weekend will probably be easier because I have to get my house back in order. Next week, I will plan to do better as far as planning out what I am going to drink. I hope all of this will surely help my liver to shrink.
I am also praying for a successful and speedy recovery. The worst thing I fear is being really sick from anesthesia. I hat that part. Anyway, I'm just pushing through the pain. It all be worth it when I can go shopping for a new bathing suit in June! oh, and wear Old Navy Summer dresses!!! YAY!