sadness

Today is the last day of school for the boy. I'm sad he's growing up an d moving onto the next phase of childhood. There is also a lot of high school graduations going on and those parents are probably more sad than I am about their kids moving on. It just doesn't seem fair that we can't keep our kids little for as long as we'd like. I'm also a bit sad that I won't get to see the girls I work with and laugh and cut up and joke with each other. I am seriously anxious, sad, and nervous about what the next year school year holds. I am sad that I didn't get to say goodbye to my own classroom full of kids. I am sad that I didn't get to say goodbye to the fifth grade students I worked with this year. I had to help Kindergarten and didn't get to watch them "graduate". I am sad that my friend Denise won't be Grant's teacher, she is resigning to stay home and watch her babies grow. I am sad that my parents are getting older and its getting closer to time for them to leave this earth. I am sad that I can't get past myself to forgive and let live the things that have been done wrong to me in recent months. I am sad that as I sit here and type, tears well up in my eyes just thinking about how sad I am. I am sad about how much I've let my house go and not put things away. I am sad that I can't get my crap together and keep marching on. I thought I was a pretty strong person but now I'm not so sure. I am praying that God will take my sadness and use it for good. I don't really know how that will work out but I can pray for it anyway.