Aug 28, 2012

a Message

Romans 8:31 MSG
"So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn't hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn't gladly and freely do for us? And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God's chosen? Who would dare even to point a finger? The One who died for us—who was raised to life for us!—is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us. Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ's love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture:  They kill us in cold blood because they hate you. We're sitting ducks; they pick us off one by one. None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I'm absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us."

Aug 26, 2012

a small revelation

  1. God isn't punishing me for NOT giving me what I want
He is protecting me from what I don't want!
Thank You Lord for speaking to methis morning!

Small miracles

Today I stayed home from work which isn't like me because I consider myself to be a hard worker. All this job situation stuff has just about pushed me to my limit. But I had a little bit of good news on the financial front.
Let me preface all of this by saying that I have been giving tithes to to my church for a really long time. Recently I caught our tithes up & letting go of a substantial amount of money can be somewhat of difficult thing to do. But, scripture tells us to test God on this and see if he won't pour out a blessing so big, there will not be room enough to hold it. Today was a blessed one because I called to find out why the dentist for Grant's dental work had not come out of my account. The lady at the office said that I had a zero balance and insurance mus'vet paid the rest. Hallelujah!
Another instance was when Bill realized that his account had been overdrawn due to the fact that I couldn't get into it (a result of his maniacal behavior in July). He realized that his account was overdrawn and he went to the back and they took of $65 of overdraft fees off of the balance.
Just those two little miracles are due to God's ability to provide for me when I least expected it.

In essence, the lesson is that when you give God back what was His to begin with, He will always make sure you have what you need and not just in a financial sense.
If you don't tithe, you're really missing out. Missing out on how God can be so wonderful!

Aug 22, 2012

Psalm 34.18

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Today, I am brokenhearted. More than ever before, I feel so defeated. It's one thing to say that God has plans for you, it's a whole different story when you actually have to believe Him and trust that He really knows what He has called you to do. My spirit is broken and I don't know what actions to take. It has happened once again. I have been passed over for  teaching job, hoping that this fall would bring a position open for me to fill. The crappy part of the whole thing is there is a compete lack of professionalism and courtesy. A lack of concern for someone's well being. I truly can't understand or comprehend how people can live with themselves when they choose to do something that they know is morally and ethically wrong. A person whom I really trust said to me yesterday that one day I would see God's hand in this and Thank Him for his providence. I am going through so much emotionally, it's only by God's mercy that has kept me from losing my mind.
The other side of all this is that I know I have to find somthing else. What that is, I don't know.
That's where the trusting continues.

Aug 14, 2012

~a NON semi charmed life~

Life around here is far from charming, let alone semi-charming. I hate to complain but writing what I need to get off my chest helps me relieve all that stays in my brain. Bill has been in treatment for 25 days. I can now empathize with military wives. Except my situation isn't as noble as going to war. I have had some hard days especially with the start of school. I would've liked to be setting up a classroom and finding joy in my career but everything seems to be at a stalemate.
With all honesty, I can say that having Bill not here is double edged sword. The good part of it all is the peace of knowing that addiction isn't roaring it's ugly head around here making people and situation even more difficult. The worse part is being responsible for E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G! It's been really hard to squeeze in "me" time. Once I again, I can empathize with single moms too.
I also have a lot of fear and anxiety about how things will settle in and work out once he does come home. It' going to be very awkward to say the least. Especially due to the fact that he has to rebuild trust. That's a biggie, ya' know?
I also have to continue working on myself and how I react to him and his behavior. I think he'll find it shocking when I don't cater to him much any more. I though I was being a loving wife but instead I was just enabling him to be an addict.
Aside from all of this, I am so unhappy with my job situation. Everyone says "It'll come..." Being patient and waiting is hard, especially since it's been almost two years. I have looked and looked and e-mailed and gone by schools and there hasn't been one thing to come up. Why? Why? Why? I have been praying that God will lead me to a different opportunity, something I can really put all of my talents in. I get so frustrated and disgusted watching some teachers take for granted what I know I could be doing and teaching kids with a passion. I have so many ideas and nowhere to use them. It really stinks. I get that God has a plan, and maybe he wants me to spend years wondering like the Israelites so I get the point somehow and I know that it's all in His timing. I just would like for him to give me some wisdom into a time frame. I know I can't really expect that from him but it sure would be nice.
I try very hard to gulp down my pride and self consciousness but I feel like my job is meaningless. Knowing that my degree hasn't been used in it's full capacity is utterly aggravating.
Okay so I'll stop moaning and groaning for now. I just had to vent!