Jan 27, 2011

~a lettrer to my former self~

My Dearest Amanda,
What a journey you have travelled. What a journey you have left. I found this picture of you 8 I wanted you to know how I feel about you now, many years later, after healing the wounds, after accepting God's unending love, after asking for forgiveness and truly forgiving others.
Look at all the pain you carried around holding on to it like a child does with a teddy bear. Look at the wall you built around your heart, your feelings, your soul. You were trapped my dear girl, you didn't know how to stop stuffing the pain with food. You blamed yourself for the child molestation, the emotional and mental anguish and shame that seeped into your innocence. You took on the guilt of your parents divorce, blaming your inadequacy as a child as the root problem for their hatred towards one another. You didn't know how to accept real love. You decided to continue disrespecting your body in adolescence which only added to the pain, shame & guilt. You didn't just carry all this pain around on your body, you carried it your spirit. You couldn't believe that you deserved better.
Then, one day, it hit you like a ton of bricks. You realized that time was going to continue to tick regardless if you decided to lose the pain, lose that guilt, lose the shame, and finally figure out a way to get it off. You discovered a saving grace, Weight Watchers. It was then, that you decided it was time to do some work. Physical work, spiritual work, soul work. It wasn't going to be easy, no ever said it would be. You, my sweet girl, deserve to be healthy, you deserve to be loved truly, you deserve to b.e happy with yourself. You are a daughter of God, He knows you more than anyone else & when you feel yourself seeping back into those old ways, you need to remind yourself that it doesn't matter what others thinks. Your Heavenly Father want the best from you and for you. He loves you, He forgives you, He want to be everything to you. I know you still have a little bit left to go as far as the weight loss goes. You can do it! You are capable of finishing it and accomplishing what your heart desires.
Your friends and family will love you whether you are a size 20 or a size 12. You are Loved. So, just keep going. The journey isn't over yet.

Your current Self : )


  1. Amen sister!! Following from the blog hop. Hope you can follow back.
    God Bless,
    < a href="http://www.mylifeadventurebyme.blogspot.com//">Finding My Life in Faith< /a>

  2. Beautifully put, Amanda! And you are right...you ARE a beautiful child of God.

  3. You are loved and You are beautiful and we are all so blessed to have You in our lives!! Glory to God!

  4. I think I teared up the whole entire post. Way to go, Amanda. :)

  5. Was blog hopping tonight and found your honest and encouraging post. As someone who never seriously suffered with weight, I am SO THANKFUL you poured out your heart. I guess I didn't think much about people eating to cover pain, and your honesty just gave me a new heart to look at people who struggle with their weight.
    Thank you so much for having the courage to bear your heart, soul and faith. You are encouraging others who struggle with pasts and/or weight issues and others who may struggle with being critical of others they don't understand. May the Lord continue to bless you in body and soul.