Jul 20, 2012

short term relief

I did one of the hardest things I've ever had to do never knowing I would ever have to do it. I drove Bill to a treatment center for his addiction to alcohol and drugs. No "normal" wife wants to ever say to themselves or others that their husband is an addict. It is what it is. Can't hide or deny it, no use or purpose id doing that. I think it hit him slightly what his behavior and actions have caused. I didn't mean to sound heartless when he said 'this is going to be so hard" and I replied, "It needs to be hard!". I have so many emotions and I'm at expert at stuffing them deep down but I also I have to stay calm and controlled for the sake of my son. Oh my sweet baby, he never asked for any of this. He had to witness his father become so cruel and angry and for that , I am sick over it. They say kids are resilient and boy do I hope that holds some morsel of truth. I told hm he can ask anything he wants and I promise I won't get mad or upset. I am also resisting the urge to parent out of guilt but my goal is to keep things and activities light and less burdensome. I told him we would stay busy and spend some good time together.
The only part of driving alone that I like is being able to listen to my iTunes and worship God with music and praise. Music can be very healing and it can bring some hope and faith to this girl who lacks both sporadically. It's also a good remedy for telling the devil where to go!
This is the first day of a long journey that will bring up a lot of emotional baggage. My duty as his wife is to be in prayer for his recover and for God to mend all these wounds. I have a lot to work on with my own issues and I know that I will have to take some responsibility for my own actions. I get that. Well, it' getting late and I'm spent. For now, I have a little bit of peace and some rest from all this craziness.
Keep up the prayers!

1 comment:

  1. I will be praying for you and your family. Love ya!