Dec 18, 2011


Do you ever go back and look at blog posts that you wrote a year ago? I have and still do. I can distinctly remember this time last year the anticipation of what 2011 was going to bring. Today, I am really looking forward to 2012.
This past year has not been a shining year for me. It has not been what I expected.....far from what I expected.
As I sit here and write this, I am thinking about how much has changed in my own life and in the lives of those around me.
I started 2011 with the same job. I was hoping by the end of the school year and at least by the end of summer, that God would open the door of opportunity and put me in a classroom as a "real" teacher. I watched as time ran out and here I am at the end of 2011 and I still have the same job. I hope that changes in 2012.
I watched my baby boy end 1st grade coming out reading like a champ and becoming so smart, it was amazing to observe his growth. First grade is a very important grade.
The summer brought lazy days filled with lots of swimming, day camps projects and birthday parties. I turned 34 and Grant turned 7. Ahhh, seven years old, the most magical age of childhood. So I think. I am in love with seven. I would go back in time just to be seven again. It's perfect. I am trying hard to keep Grant under that umbrella of innocence for as long as I can. It's soooo hard to do too.
My marriage has seen some deep valleys this year. It's been a hard road to travel. It's been hard enough that separation was on the table. There, I said it. Now everyone knows. Oh well, the truth always sets you free, so they say huh? I am not a quitter, or at least not on this marriage thing. No one has a perfect marriage, I don't care what you say. We are working on it,. again and again and again until we get to a point where the mountaintops are seen more often than the valleys.
Took an unforgettable road trip with my mom. Drove back alone in my van and really searched for the presence of God in my life. I have been through some tough situations and I needed to be reminded that God has me right in the palm of His hand. Growing up spiritually can be very painful at times. It's hard to release the fear, frustration,and pain of life's lessons. I really connected with God on a whole new level.I even wrote it in my journal so as not to forget what I experienced.
This year I filled up my time with a lot of obligations and roles. I think I'm going to try and commit to less next year. At times, extracurricular things can suck the joy out of life. I strive every day to be present and experience the day but sometimes life and its responsibilities can really distract you from what is truly important.
Last year around this time, I was praying fervently for an answer concerning the addition of a child. Bill and Idiscussed ALL sorts of options.  Truly God knew that this was not the year to add a baby to our world. A very small part of me is beginning to accept that maybe I was meant to be a mom of one.
We still have options but I can't really say where this will go so I say....stay tuned!
Finally, I have to say that I have learned a lot about life and a lot about myself. I guess that's the gem about getting older. You become wiser and more stable in your identity. I know I will grow some more in the next year. I also hope that God has some good stuff planned for me. I think I deserve it after this year!

What are you reflecting on this time of year?

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