~a lettrer to my former self~

My Dearest Amanda,

What a journey you have travelled. What a journey you have left. I found this picture of you 8 I wanted you to know how I feel about you now, many years later, after healing the wounds, after accepting God's unending love, after asking for forgiveness and truly forgiving others.

Look at all the pain you carried around holding on to it like a child does with a teddy bear. Look at the wall you built around your heart, your feelings, your soul. You were trapped my dear girl, you didn't know how to stop stuffing the pain with food. You blamed yourself for the child molestation, the emotional and mental anguish and shame that seeped into your innocence. You took on the guilt of your parents divorce, blaming your inadequacy as a child as the root problem for their hatred towards one another. You didn't know how to accept real love. You decided to continue disrespecting your body in adolescence which only added to the pain, shame & guilt. You didn't just carry all this pain around on your body, you carried it your spirit. You couldn't believe that you deserved better.

Then, one day, it hit you like a ton of bricks. You realized that time was going to continue to tick regardless if you decided to lose the pain, lose that guilt, lose the shame, and finally figure out a way to get it off. You discovered a saving grace, Weight Watchers. It was then, that you decided it was time to do some work. Physical work, spiritual work, soul work. It wasn't going to be easy, no ever said it would be. You, my sweet girl, deserve to be healthy, you deserve to be loved truly, you deserve to b.e happy with yourself. You are a daughter of God, He knows you more than anyone else & when you feel yourself seeping back into those old ways, you need to remind yourself that it doesn't matter what others thinks. Your Heavenly Father want the best from you and for you. He loves you, He forgives you, He want to be everything to you. I know you still have a little bit left to go as far as the weight loss goes. You can do it! You are capable of finishing it and accomplishing what your heart desires.

Your friends and family will love you whether you are a size 20 or a size 12. You are Loved. So, just keep going. The journey isn't over yet.

Love,

Your current Self : )

~a little bit of this & that~

Since it's been a snowy mess 'round here, I have taken the opportunity to do a few small 'projects'.
A couple of them, I had already half way finished-meaning I just needed to hang them up somewher.

Since re-doing the Master BR, I knew I had to do something with this space!

I really didn't want to buy a new lamp so I turned to my trusty Friend Krylon spray paint.

Here is the Lamp before

I will show you in a minute what it looks like now but first:

I found this 'fall' ish plate @ WalMart for $1.50 clearnace aisle!

instantly knew I could spray paint it too!

love me some Krylon!

see the lamp? the shade was on clearance too! @ Target!

I went to my favorite store Hobby Lobby & got a black shelf

it was 50% off and I already had the picture of my sweet boy

(I could toot my own horn about that picture....I took it & it looks professional!)

still figuring out what to put to the right of the portrait

I actually WON this cool picture hanger at Scrapbook night last weekend

I was ecstatic! it's new home is on my chest of drawers : )

I haven't filled up the photo carousel yet but I'm workin' on it!

I cut out a "D" from my Cricut and Modge Podged it to the plate.

C-H-E-A-P!!!

'lurve it'

and THEN I had to get these up in the guest room!

it took me forever....okay like 30 min. to figure out how I wanted them & I still didn't get them congruent to each other, oh well, they are up and I love looking at my scrapbook pages.

since I had the Modge Podge out I touched up this little diddy

I made it for Little Sqeeze last year and hadn't hung it up b/c it needed a second coat of MP.

the snow days have benefitted me immensely!

Next on my list.....go through the boy's room & start pulling more stuff out for Spring Consignment!

~Siesta Scripture Memory Verse Challenge~

Well, I love me some Beth Moore and when I saw that she was going to do another round of Scripture Memory, I wanted to participate desperately. It's part of my decesion to read, study, and hide the word of God in my heart. It's something I truly believe is important and worthy of my time and attention. I was going to post about this at the beginning of January but since I was out of town, I decided to wait until today to post about thw whole sha-bang!
My first memory verse is Psalm 23. One of my all time favorite scriptures because it's so applicable in all situations. It's one of those scriptures that just breaks it all down for you. Most of all, I love the ending, ".,.,and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord, forever!"

So my second Siesta Scripture Memory Verse is going to be Phillipians 4:6. I have this verse highlighted in all of my bibles including the one on my iPad. It covers all my needs, it gives me courage, hope, security, and best of all it reminds me to pray.

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer & supplication, with thanksgiving, let your reequests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."
Phillipians 4:6-7 NKJV

If you want to join me, it's not too late, just hop on over to the Living Proof Ministry Blog. Beth gives you all the details and they just added an App from iTunes for iPhones/iPads. It's so very awesom!

Will you join me?

p.s. for my friend Cindy at the Martha Complex, this scripture is for you. Memorize it and when you have anxiety, the word of God is your sword & your shield! hugs from Hermitgae!

it was bound to happen...

there isn't a whole lot that can ruffle my feathers but today has proved to be one of those days!
it acutally started last night when I was trying to read some blogs on my laptop & it continued to shut down on me ! I was becoming extemly frustrated.. I called HP support to fund out what I could do about my issue. The problem was that the connector that charges the battery wasn't connecting. HP support said they would fix it for at least $500, depending on if they had to repair the mother board b/c that's where the battery connection is connected to. The hubs was trying to 'fix' it where it could at least charge up and then I could use it. No such Luck! He worked on it for hours and I went to bed.
When I woke up this morming, he told me there was nothing he could do to fix it. Then proceeded to tell me he ordered me a new one. Now, I should be graeful but I was H-O-T! I didn't want a new computer, I wanted my old computer!!! IF i had to get a new one, I, ME, MYSELF would like to have some sort of say in the kind of computer I am going to use!!! Then I started to cry b/c I didn't know how I was going to pull off my pictures & documents from the old one. Bill took the hard drive off and we took it to our local computer repair shop & they are going to pull of all my stuff from the hard drive. This whole day has been so maddening for me! I guess it was bound to happen!
On a lighter more happier note, Cindy over at the Martha Complex  sent me a pkg of Twizzlers along with the giveaway I won over at her blog!!! Thanks Cindy, I tore open those Twizzlers and ate 3....at least it made my mouth happy, didn't do much for my attitude or mood!!!

{major master bedroom makeover}

So I was crazy enough to believe that painting my bedroom was a great idea the second weekend of January. But I had good reason. Here's the low-down before I post pictures.
The hubs & I were both complaining to each other how much we despised our couch. It served its purpose for the short time we had it but it was totally oversized for our LR, I had to fold blankets & place them under the seat cushions just to sit 'high' enough up, & we didn't use the origianl back cushions b/c they were way to fluffy. So we decided to go hunting for furniture. We found a lovely couch & loveseeat @ American Signature and also picked up a king Headborad/Footboard in the clearance section. While we were out of town, I was perusing Craigslist, like I normally do, and saw a post where this person was looking for a couch/loveseat to buy. I already knew that I was going to GIVE our old couch/loveseat away whether it be a person or an organization. I e-mailed the lady some pictures when we returned home and she wanted them. I made arrangements for her to come get them on Thursday. I later found out that she had left an abusive relationship with a boyfriend with nothing but the clothes on her back and she was very grateful that I gave her the furniture. God works in secret ways, huh? I like when stuff like that happens. Then my brilliant idea came to mind. We could move our bed into the LR (b/c the furniture wasn't going to be delivered until Sat) and I could spend most of Friday evening getting the room painted. Hubby was halfway on board with the whole idea....

SO here goes the pictures:

early Friday morning

slumber, party of 3! all of us piled up here on Friday night

this is one of those piees of furniture I wish I had never bought

seemed like a good idea at the time but I don't much like it

and it's very heavy even though it comes in two pieces

we bought it from a warehouse that sold furniture from Opryland Hotel several years ago

the hubs helping out...vacuuming up the massive amount of dust and trash particles from under the bed

started painting at 7pm on Friday

I finished this wall, the wall to the left and 1/2 of the wall to the right

it was midnight, I had been up since 5am, worked all day and I was exhuasted!

Saturday Morning

1/8/11

the vacuum is on the stool b/c I had to remove the 2 in. of dust that accumulated up there!

Bill & I could not move this monsstrisity on our own

our good friend Dennis came over and helped us move it

he's the kind of guy who will do anything for anybody

plus his wife is my OBF

I wanted it to be center of the window but then it would block the only vent in the room so it's off center which is okay, I just wanted it moved to the opposite side of the room!

when the furniture guys came, this is where they put the headboard!

heeeellllooooo!?!?!?! still painting dodo birds!

it took all day Saturday to finish but I think it was all worth it!

I'm going to get some vinyl wall decor to put above the bed

not sure what I'll get but I think it's a perfect spot!

I just gotta clear off my dresser & figure out what to put on the wall

I'm still dreaming of what to do....

and since this is now my side of the bed, I need a cute little night stand to go right here!

the furniture may not match but at least it's painted and somewhat looking more like a bedroom instead of a catch all room. I'm thinking about finding a decorative basket to put on top of the hubs' dresser so he can keep his knick knacky stuff hidden! oh, and look at the blank spot to the left! gotta figure out what to do there too! any suggestions?!

yes, I love it!!!

p.s. I will post pics of the new couch/loveseat soon!

first week of January.....

Jan. 1st
We were out of town on New Year's Day and we hung out with some of our family that we visited. It was kind of a boring day & I didn't have access to the Internet so I was really bored. One of the reasons we went out of town was to see an aunt of mine who has stage 4 cancer and I didn't know if I would ever really see her again. There is a lot of drama behind the whole situation but I won't go there.

Jan. 2nd.
We were to meet up with my aunt and my mom for breakfast but my aunt wasn't feeling well so we just met my for breakfast & we hoped to meet up with her later. After we ate breakfast, we went to another family member house and watched football most of the day.
 Later in the evening, we met my mom, my aunt & her husband for dinner at Cracker Barrel. Talk about awkward and uncomfortable. I just tried to keep the conversation light and casual. I should've told you that I haven't seen my aunt in over 15 years due to the drama I won't go into. Her daughter, my cousin, I hadn't seen since I was 15. She has a grudge against me for something that occurred over 3 years ago so I didn't expect to her show up at all. She decided to come and brought her 4 month old daughter. I was trying to avoid the possibility of sitting next to her but inevitably, it happened and when she sat down she pretty much ignored me. I am okay with that, it didn't bother me b/c I wasn't there to see her anyway. I was there for a different reason.After dinner, we said our goodbyes and my mom will be coming back to my house soon.

Jan. 3rd
We had to get back home so this was going to be a long day of driving. I didn't get much sleep so I was super grumpy. This girl loves her some sleep and when I don't get enough, I am a very cranky person. Grant was an angel on our way to our destination but on the way back home, he was a pain in the neck. He complained constantly and argued with me about everything. Needless, to say he was tired to. If there is one think I know about my son, is that when he is tired, his mouth begins to write checks that his butt can't cash. We did stop in a town called New Baden, IL to eat lunch at a diner called "Good Ol' Days" cafe. It was really good. A very cute town, almost like a story book kinda town. We finally arrived home around 7pm and I told Grant to go straight to bed. I had to get stuff ready for school the next day and I HAD to have him out of my hair!!! I had nothing to make sandwiches with so I had to go to the store. That was the fastest trip into Wally World I had ever done. Get in, Get out! It was ten minutes after nine when I came back home, and guess who was still awake!? Yep, I was H-O-T!!! I didn't say anything. I went to bed before 10pm. I was super exhausted. 

Jan. 4th
Back to School! I got a new alarm clock for Christmas & thought that I had set it correctly. But noooooooo, I woke up almost 2 hours late! Grant and I were both going to be late to school. I was 15 minutes late to work and that's even after taking a shower, dressing, and drying my hair. It was a mad dash to get there. Not really what I needed to start the day off.

Jan.5th
I had a slow day at school. After benchmark testing and DIBELS testing, my core group of kids was going to change so I had to spend some time figuring out the test scores and seeing who I would be working with next.
It was church night so I had to prepare myself for the activities going on there. I was ready to go home and just chill after that.

Jan. 6th
I had a busy day at school. I had to go to 3 RTI meetings so I could change my group of kids. My job is basically to spend 15-30 minutes with the kids who are classified as "intensive" which means that they are really low in their early literacy skills. I really like my job but I would much rather have my own classroom. In God's time, I will get there. We also had to get back into our Thursday nigth routine with Cub scouting. Always at the last minute do I pull something together and it all works out for the good. They boys made a pine-cone bird feeder and Bill taguth them a little about geocaching. They were all wound up and my nerves were shot. All day at school with kids, all afternoon with the boy, and an hour with 8 first grade boys! I was ready to go to bed!

Jan.7th
TGIF! Grant woke up with a fever which I thought for sure was due to his earlier complaints of his ear hurting. I let him stay home with the daddy and called later in the morning to get him a Dr. appt.
I had plans to go see my dad for the evening and come back home to start a painting project. It ended up that G-man had strep throat and I pumped some medicine in him quickly. Needless to say, no trip to Grandpa's for us. I got home and started prepping my bedroom for painting. I officially got started at 7pm and with few breaks in between I made a good bit of progress.  I had to stop at 12:30am. My body was pleading  for mercy.

Jan. 8th
Furniture delivery day. I will post about this whole thing soon. It was a massive project for just a weekend so I expect that my house will be in a major state of catastrophe for a few days. It will take some time anyway since I am working girl now! I am hoping for a good snow on Sunday night so school is closed on Monday. That would add a tremendous amount of time to my 'to-do' list!
At this moment, I still have a little bit of painting left to do and later tonight we will put it all back together. That will be a relief!

Tah-Tah for now! will post before/after of the bedroom soon!

~New Year Decisions~

Happy New Year!

WoW!!!

2011

Really?

that's just insane!

When I was a little girl, I NEVER even thought that I'd see the age of 30! Ha! I'm heading towards 34 really quickly! I always seem to contemplate the goals I want to meet during the year so instead of calling them resolutions, I will call them decisions......here are a few that I have come up with thus far!

* be a more patient mom

* be a more forgiving wife

*cook dinner at home & eat out less

*study the Bible & memorize scripture

*show G-man how to be less selfish & more selfless

*keep the dining room table clutter free

*plan more & procrastinate less

*find an organization to volunteer my time & skills

*seek with diligence God's will in becoming a mom of two

*eat more veggies & fruit
*drink less sweet tea & more H20
*scrapbook at least once a month
*go back to my childhood home in WY
*paint my bedroom & living room
(the last two rooms in my house)
*get rid of a A LOT of junk in the basement
*be present in each moment
*reach lifetime membership in Weight Watchers
*complete another Half-Marathon
*become a full time teacher

*live a life that was meant to shine...


Here's a toast to you!
Happy 2011
~hugs~