hungry

Yes, I am HUNGRY! for food, real solid good food BUT....it shall wait for about 4 more weeks or so. Today has been the worst of my hunger. My head is hungry for the junk food but my stomach would just like a banana or some grapes or something with more substance. It's going to be okay, this is all a part of the process, getting to the end and knowing it's going to be beneficial in the end.
A lot of people have admired the strength I have shown just in this short period of time. My strength only has to do with one person. God and His sufficient love and grace on me. I really am beginning to feel like this is just the start of a really great year for me. Considering all that has happened in the past nine months, this milestone is definitely worth it all. I have had a few wonderful and tremendously deep "aha" moments with God and it's just so wonderful when you finally "GET IT!"
I had to praise Him in the storm and I continue to praise him during the good. I never want to forget those dark times because it is what has made me  stronger person.
I am really trying to soak up everything good that is happening even though I feel like there are million things trying to distract me from that.
I am so thankful for how far Bill and I have come in our marriage, the fact that my son is healthy and has made it through the winter without major illness and that I have some really special and fabulous friends who support me and love me no matter what size I am.
So even though I am "hungry", I am full with so many blessing. This is one more reason why I blog.....to remember that God will fill me when I am hungry!

push thru the pain

I had my pre-operative testing and procedures done on Monday. The upper GI was horrendous but I made it through. Attended a pre-op class where I felt like the information was helpful but they breezed through it very quickly. I had to have an EKG and blood drawn and made it back home before dark.
I also started my liquid pre-op diet. I felt very starved on Monday. I should have begun it on Tuesday just so I could have eaten something. Oh well, I made it through.
It is a hard thing to do to watch others eat what I so much enjoyed eating. I have to continually tell myself that I am doing this for me and to binge eat is not good and I try really hard to focus on other things. It's almost like I am breaking up with food. Like a boyfriend who treated me so unfairly and yet I couldn't leave the relationship. Food is my addiction and I have to develop new ways to cope instead of turning to unhealthy food to satisfy my emotional needs.
Yesterday was the hardest day so far. I was extremely tired, my eyes burned from feeling so exhausted. I lacked energy to do anything. Luckily, I have been painting my living room this past week and that has kept me busy. This weekend will probably be easier because I have to get my house back in order. Next week, I will plan to do better as far as planning out what I am going to drink. I hope all of this will surely help my liver to shrink.
I am also praying for a successful and speedy recovery. The worst thing I fear is being really sick from anesthesia. I hat that part. Anyway, I'm just pushing through the pain. It all be worth it when I can go shopping for a new bathing suit in June! oh, and wear Old Navy Summer dresses!!! YAY!