One thing I like about having my own blog is I can say whatever I want and don't really have to care about other think. I can be open and honest. I don't have to name names or places but and for all that others know, the stories I tell are totally fictitious. I don't think there the chances are high that the situation I'm going to write about will get to the those I work with (with the exception of one, she knows who she is....wink....wink). She will keep confident of what I have to say.
I was in classroom today, teaching not "aiding". Educational assistant is my current position. That WILL change come August 1st, one way or another. The teacher I was "subbing" for is chronically late or absent. I really like this teacher as a person, they are nice and friendly. However, this teacher IS NOT a good educator. I don't feel sorry this person, I feel sorry for the kids in this class. If I were to put a label on it, it would be called educator neglect. This is not what irritates me the most though.
The one thing that chaps my hide? Administration has let this go on. It might change when school is out but this girl "ain't" holdin' her breath.
I don't understand how unfair this has come to be. Here I am, an eager teacher willing to go above and beyond to help these kiddos succeed and learn and instead they continually get looked over and their academics swept under the rug. How can this continue? I wish I knew the answer. I can only hope that Administration will wake up and realize what kind of teacher they are missing out on.
With all that I have been through and the spiritual tests I have come to learn from, I think it's due time I get on with this teaching career.
Whether it's where I am now or somewhere else is yet to be determined. Just being open and honest.
Apr 5, 2013
Mar 31, 2013
Easter 2013
Don't get me wrong, I love Easter but truly Christmas is my favorite holiday. If Jesus wasn't born, we wouldn't be able to celebrate a Risen Savior!! Right?!
It's been a quiet weekend around here which I'll take any day. Since I'm not cooking OR eating an Easter meal, there's no fuss about what to eat. Bill has to work a double today and Grant is working on a Lego set the Easter Bunny brought him. Go figure!
It's raining and yucky outside so we all are being a crew of couch potatoes. I'm working on Craft Camp stuff. I need to go to the store later and get some more sources of protein (teeheehee).
This is the first "holiday" that I haven't celebrated with food. I realize that families come together to eat and be with each other but I might be breaking the mold when it comes to things like this. Now when Grant has his own family, I'll be glad to cook holiday dinners but with just us 3 plus mom, it's not worth the effort or time.
On a final note, there are only 45 days of school left!!! Cheers to the beginning of summer AND the hopes that I will secure a full time teaching job!!!
It's been a quiet weekend around here which I'll take any day. Since I'm not cooking OR eating an Easter meal, there's no fuss about what to eat. Bill has to work a double today and Grant is working on a Lego set the Easter Bunny brought him. Go figure!
It's raining and yucky outside so we all are being a crew of couch potatoes. I'm working on Craft Camp stuff. I need to go to the store later and get some more sources of protein (teeheehee).
This is the first "holiday" that I haven't celebrated with food. I realize that families come together to eat and be with each other but I might be breaking the mold when it comes to things like this. Now when Grant has his own family, I'll be glad to cook holiday dinners but with just us 3 plus mom, it's not worth the effort or time.
On a final note, there are only 45 days of school left!!! Cheers to the beginning of summer AND the hopes that I will secure a full time teaching job!!!
Mar 21, 2013
~stuff~
Just got home this evening from vacation with the family. It's been a long time since we've had a family vacation. It was nice to get away but I am truly a homebody. I would rather be home and have no agenda
I will be 3 weeks post op on Monday. I won't weigh again until then. It was hard to get in my 60-80grams of protein and a minimum of 64 oz of fluid. I tried hard but I know it will get better. I definitely do not want to get dehydrated or go into some vitamin deficiency that would be land me back in the hospital. I only really think about food when I am not doing something else. I can look at food and think about how it tastes but the fear of becoming deathly sick keeps me from even tasting it. Thinking about food constantly is called "head hunger" and even though my tummy doesn't desire to eat it, it's the emotional attachment to the foods I love that I have to work through.
I need to get to the gym but I am having severe hip pain from bursitis. I can't take anti-inflammatory meds and the Dr. gave me some Loritab but it's just 5mg. I am truly hoping that when I drop some more weight, it will get better but I may have to break down and go get some steroid shots.
Work starts back on Monday. Thank goodness it's only a four day work week. I probably won't be very busy and that is extremely irritating to me. I do look forward to seeing the kiddos.
Grant has his first baseball game of the season on Saturday. He's gonna look so cute!!! Can't wait to see him in action!
I will be 3 weeks post op on Monday. I won't weigh again until then. It was hard to get in my 60-80grams of protein and a minimum of 64 oz of fluid. I tried hard but I know it will get better. I definitely do not want to get dehydrated or go into some vitamin deficiency that would be land me back in the hospital. I only really think about food when I am not doing something else. I can look at food and think about how it tastes but the fear of becoming deathly sick keeps me from even tasting it. Thinking about food constantly is called "head hunger" and even though my tummy doesn't desire to eat it, it's the emotional attachment to the foods I love that I have to work through.
I need to get to the gym but I am having severe hip pain from bursitis. I can't take anti-inflammatory meds and the Dr. gave me some Loritab but it's just 5mg. I am truly hoping that when I drop some more weight, it will get better but I may have to break down and go get some steroid shots.
Work starts back on Monday. Thank goodness it's only a four day work week. I probably won't be very busy and that is extremely irritating to me. I do look forward to seeing the kiddos.
Grant has his first baseball game of the season on Saturday. He's gonna look so cute!!! Can't wait to see him in action!
Mar 10, 2013
post op
My big surgery day was Monday March 4th. I was a bit nervous about the process but thankfully I turn to memorized scriptures and hymns. The anesthesiologist had to find a vein for the IV. I think the girl who was trying to do it was a newbie...nothing wrong with that, at least she asked for help. I only remembering peaking at the OR, freaks me out, bad childhood memories from many surgeries. I remember thinking about all the stores in Providence that I would be shopping at this summer and then it was lights out for me. I don't remember waking up in my room. I was doped up on morpheme for quite some time. The nurses brought me some watered down ice chips with this sponge type brush that I could dip in the water and wet my mouth. I had terrible dry mouth and my voice was raspy because of the breathing tube. The nurses took great care of me. Most of them were really young but they knew their stuff. I was always thanking them for taking care of me. I wanted them to know how much I appreciated their hard work. I don't remember what night it was but I fell asleep with a cup of ice in my hand and spilled it on my chest. DERDUHDER! This nurse Lacole came in and got my bed changed and my gown switched out and back in bed in less than 10 minutes. Of course they wake you up every 2-4 hours to check vitals and every morning the "blood" lady came and drew blood from my arm. At least her needle sticks didn't hurt. Later in the day, this guy came and transported me to x ray and I had to drink some really nasty liquid so they could see if there were any tears. THANK GOD! no tears which meant no going back under the knife. I was completely nauseous during that whole procedure. A lady took me back to my room and I really don't remember how I got back in my bed. The nurse said I needed to start urinating within six hours and she even gave me an extra hour and still I had nothing for them. So guess what, she had to re catheterize me. And what's even better, a few student nurses were invited to watch. Ain't that grand! My hoo ha out there for everyone to see. I know it was medically necessary and they probably don't care. Then they gave me six more hours to try and pee on my own and guess what? I didn't do anything so again, Lacole, the night nurse was the only one in the room when she did that again. Finally, after several hours my bladder decided to cooperate and I peed! Thank God for small favors.
I came home on Thursday and I was in a lot of discomfort. One thing I hadn't expected was a drain port coming out of my abdomen. I have to clean and change the dressing daily, no big deal but it's unsightly and gross to drain. Again, another necessary evil. It's quite hard to hide too. I am not really embarrassed about it, I just don't want a ton of people staring at me like a weirdo.
I am down about 20lbs, not just in five days. I lost about 13lbs. before surgery and 7lbs since surgery. The pain hasn't been real bad, not any worse than my C-section or back surgery. The only other issue I have had is not being able to tolerate my protein supplement. I'm thinking I might have to change brands. The other discomfort is feeling like I have a belly ache constantly and my energy is low. I know it will all get better. So many things to look forward to. It's going to be interesting for sure!
Stay tuned!
I came home on Thursday and I was in a lot of discomfort. One thing I hadn't expected was a drain port coming out of my abdomen. I have to clean and change the dressing daily, no big deal but it's unsightly and gross to drain. Again, another necessary evil. It's quite hard to hide too. I am not really embarrassed about it, I just don't want a ton of people staring at me like a weirdo.
I am down about 20lbs, not just in five days. I lost about 13lbs. before surgery and 7lbs since surgery. The pain hasn't been real bad, not any worse than my C-section or back surgery. The only other issue I have had is not being able to tolerate my protein supplement. I'm thinking I might have to change brands. The other discomfort is feeling like I have a belly ache constantly and my energy is low. I know it will all get better. So many things to look forward to. It's going to be interesting for sure!
Stay tuned!
Mar 3, 2013
HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY
Tomorrow morning is my BIG surgery day....scared, nah, excited, yep, nervous, a little bit. I will be fine....God is in control.
I am very excited about the progress I will be making! Can't wait to shop for 'cuter' clothes, get rid of old clothes and be able to do more physically challenging stuff. I actually am very relaxed at the moment. I have no worries or stress. I am focusing on positive thoughts and visualizing things that meke me happy. HAPPY! HAPPY! HAPPY!
on another note, I have a close friend who is going through some real hard stuff and I'm so worred about her. I know she's strong and will make ti through, I just don't want her to go through pain alone. I know how it is.
Well, I'll keep you posted......have to be at the hospital at 5:30am....YIKES!
I am very excited about the progress I will be making! Can't wait to shop for 'cuter' clothes, get rid of old clothes and be able to do more physically challenging stuff. I actually am very relaxed at the moment. I have no worries or stress. I am focusing on positive thoughts and visualizing things that meke me happy. HAPPY! HAPPY! HAPPY!
on another note, I have a close friend who is going through some real hard stuff and I'm so worred about her. I know she's strong and will make ti through, I just don't want her to go through pain alone. I know how it is.
Well, I'll keep you posted......have to be at the hospital at 5:30am....YIKES!
Feb 28, 2013
hungry
Yes, I am HUNGRY! for food, real solid good food BUT....it shall wait for about 4 more weeks or so. Today has been the worst of my hunger. My head is hungry for the junk food but my stomach would just like a banana or some grapes or something with more substance. It's going to be okay, this is all a part of the process, getting to the end and knowing it's going to be beneficial in the end.
A lot of people have admired the strength I have shown just in this short period of time. My strength only has to do with one person. God and His sufficient love and grace on me. I really am beginning to feel like this is just the start of a really great year for me. Considering all that has happened in the past nine months, this milestone is definitely worth it all. I have had a few wonderful and tremendously deep "aha" moments with God and it's just so wonderful when you finally "GET IT!"
I had to praise Him in the storm and I continue to praise him during the good. I never want to forget those dark times because it is what has made me stronger person.
I am really trying to soak up everything good that is happening even though I feel like there are million things trying to distract me from that.
I am so thankful for how far Bill and I have come in our marriage, the fact that my son is healthy and has made it through the winter without major illness and that I have some really special and fabulous friends who support me and love me no matter what size I am.
So even though I am "hungry", I am full with so many blessing. This is one more reason why I blog.....to remember that God will fill me when I am hungry!
A lot of people have admired the strength I have shown just in this short period of time. My strength only has to do with one person. God and His sufficient love and grace on me. I really am beginning to feel like this is just the start of a really great year for me. Considering all that has happened in the past nine months, this milestone is definitely worth it all. I have had a few wonderful and tremendously deep "aha" moments with God and it's just so wonderful when you finally "GET IT!"
I had to praise Him in the storm and I continue to praise him during the good. I never want to forget those dark times because it is what has made me stronger person.
I am really trying to soak up everything good that is happening even though I feel like there are million things trying to distract me from that.
I am so thankful for how far Bill and I have come in our marriage, the fact that my son is healthy and has made it through the winter without major illness and that I have some really special and fabulous friends who support me and love me no matter what size I am.
So even though I am "hungry", I am full with so many blessing. This is one more reason why I blog.....to remember that God will fill me when I am hungry!
Feb 21, 2013
push thru the pain
I had my pre-operative testing and procedures done on Monday. The upper GI was horrendous but I made it through. Attended a pre-op class where I felt like the information was helpful but they breezed through it very quickly. I had to have an EKG and blood drawn and made it back home before dark.
I also started my liquid pre-op diet. I felt very starved on Monday. I should have begun it on Tuesday just so I could have eaten something. Oh well, I made it through.
It is a hard thing to do to watch others eat what I so much enjoyed eating. I have to continually tell myself that I am doing this for me and to binge eat is not good and I try really hard to focus on other things. It's almost like I am breaking up with food. Like a boyfriend who treated me so unfairly and yet I couldn't leave the relationship. Food is my addiction and I have to develop new ways to cope instead of turning to unhealthy food to satisfy my emotional needs.
Yesterday was the hardest day so far. I was extremely tired, my eyes burned from feeling so exhausted. I lacked energy to do anything. Luckily, I have been painting my living room this past week and that has kept me busy. This weekend will probably be easier because I have to get my house back in order. Next week, I will plan to do better as far as planning out what I am going to drink. I hope all of this will surely help my liver to shrink.
I am also praying for a successful and speedy recovery. The worst thing I fear is being really sick from anesthesia. I hat that part. Anyway, I'm just pushing through the pain. It all be worth it when I can go shopping for a new bathing suit in June! oh, and wear Old Navy Summer dresses!!! YAY!
I also started my liquid pre-op diet. I felt very starved on Monday. I should have begun it on Tuesday just so I could have eaten something. Oh well, I made it through.
It is a hard thing to do to watch others eat what I so much enjoyed eating. I have to continually tell myself that I am doing this for me and to binge eat is not good and I try really hard to focus on other things. It's almost like I am breaking up with food. Like a boyfriend who treated me so unfairly and yet I couldn't leave the relationship. Food is my addiction and I have to develop new ways to cope instead of turning to unhealthy food to satisfy my emotional needs.
Yesterday was the hardest day so far. I was extremely tired, my eyes burned from feeling so exhausted. I lacked energy to do anything. Luckily, I have been painting my living room this past week and that has kept me busy. This weekend will probably be easier because I have to get my house back in order. Next week, I will plan to do better as far as planning out what I am going to drink. I hope all of this will surely help my liver to shrink.
I am also praying for a successful and speedy recovery. The worst thing I fear is being really sick from anesthesia. I hat that part. Anyway, I'm just pushing through the pain. It all be worth it when I can go shopping for a new bathing suit in June! oh, and wear Old Navy Summer dresses!!! YAY!
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